First Day!

hari ni first day masuk ofis.. tak tau nak yayyyy or nayyyyy…

ok la frankly speaking, yayyyy sebab dapat jumpa kawan2.. lama x jumpa, rindu..

nayyy sebab berjauhan dgn the girls… tapi takpe, dua2 ade kat tunas.. dekat je kan =)

pagi tadi bila sampai ofis je, masing2 semua excited tanya kabar. Mana tak nya, 4 bulan tak masuk ofis kan… byk benda yg tak updated. Pastu bukak email, mak aiiii.. ade 1500 unread emails.. *pengsan*

so yeah… post ni hanya sekadar utk ingatan, jadi xdela lupa hari pertama masuk ofis setelah sekian lama berehat kat rumah..

oh yah! Since hari ni first day, kita kemas meja and beli fresh flowers sebagai motivation.. 

I love my workspace. Look so lively =)

Ni gamba sebelum solat...

Ni gamba lepas solat.. saje je nak compare.. 1st day, takde keje kan.. ekeke

Separuh jiwaku pergi

15.5.2017 hari yg sgt2 meruntun hati ini. Hanya Allah je yg tahu betapa hancurnya hatiku lepas baca apa yg si dia whatsapp. Sungguh terkejut. Semalaman aku tertanya2, di mana salah ku, di mana silapnya sampai begitu sekali dia putuskan segalanya. Aku tak dapat membidas kata2nya, cukuplah sekadar linangan airmata yg mengalir di pipi ketika membaca permintaan dia berulangkali.

Apa salah blog tu sampai perlu dibuang? Selama 9tahun aku hidup bertemankan blog tu. Setiap saat, setiap minit, setiap hari, setiap masa aku bukak blog tu. Dialah peneman hari2 ku. Blog tu jugak la yg bagi aku semangat utk terus jalani kehidupan ku sehari-hari. Aku mmg tak dapat memiliki dia tapi cukup la aku miliki semua kenangan bersamanya.

Aku tak tau mcm mana nk mulakan hari2 ku yg mendatang. Sebak rasanya bila setiap hari aku tetap cuba utk masuk blog tu tp notification yg sama aku terima. Sedihnya ya Allah.

Tak cukup dgn itu, dia block aku dr whatsapp dia. Ya Allah. Apa dosaku kepadanya. Kalau dia tahu, hari2 hanya dgn melihat "last seen" dia sudah cukup utk aku tahu bahawa dia baik2 saja. Tidak ada sedikit harapan pon yg aku taruhkan tapi tak tahu kenapa dia berubah sebegitu rupa.

Kalau ini yg dpt membahagiakan dia, aku redha.  Aku perlu kuat utk menghadapi hari2 yg mendatang. Ya Allah, kuatkanlah aku kerana hanya Engkau yg tahu apa yg aku lalui selama ini.

Sesungguhnya, apa yg pasti, separuh jiwaku telah pergi..........

What a night?

Hi diary... it's been a while.. yeahhh.. I do have lots of entry to make but it's just the matter of my time constraints. But.... tonite I need to put in writing of what actually happened cuz I still feel the shock, and a bit of traumatized.. :(

We met with an accident near my mom's place. Yes we just got back from her place. Not far, at the 7e junction, zhaf's car hit something, the smack sounded so loud til I heard him shouted ya Allah and it the same time he made an emergency break. I was so shocked. To make long story short and what made me feel so so so sad and upset is that iman pon tercampak together with her car seat. Zhaf did not buckle the car seat properly. Hence when he made the emergency break, he did not realized what happened to us, especially to iman but rushed to see what happened to the person (motorcyclist) that got hit instead. I was so sad cuz iman cried so hard, I think her head must have hit the front seat and I was actually got thrown too due to the emergency break. But whatever it is, it's not me that matter but iman. Seeing her tercampak together with the car seat was really heartbreaking...

As he entered into the car, I asked him "u tau tak anak u tercampak??" And I don't want to elaborate more on what's next. I cannot brain when someone can simply placed the car seat without buckle it up properly. So what is the point of having d car seat? To jeopardize the safety? :(

We went back to mom's place and Iman nd I stay over nite there. Mom gave me air yasin, cuz she's afraid the baby n I was in shocked too..

Sedih.

Bed resting

Hari ni hari ke-5 bed rest..

Boringnyaaaa.. serba tak kena..

Tak tau nak buat ape selain tgk tv... 

26 days to go.. 

Chaiyok! Chaiyok!

xoxo

Sometimes..

Sometimes there's greater comfort 

in the substance of silence 

than in the answer to a question

Kejadian semalam….

Mula2 I terbangun pukul 1.30pagi sbb nk buat susu iman, 

sekali boleh pulak dia malas nk pegang botol dia so terpaksalah pegangkan botol dia sambil dia minum susu sampai la dia tertido balik..

Tiba-tiba!!!! 

Tiba-tiba hidung ni macam berair.. nk kata selsema, tak…. 

Bilik dah la gelap, cahaya pon samar2 je datang dr balcony… 

Sekali tiba2 setitik demi setitik air turun dr hidung dgn lajunya. 

Cepat2 jerit panggil zhaf. Dia tak dgr sebab pintu tutup.. 

Nak call dia  tapi fon dalam handbag, lupa nk keluarkan… 

Bila dh jerit tapi zhaf still x dgr, terus sambil tadahkan tangan sbb tanak air terus menitik, bukak pintu bilik, jerit panggil zhaf.. 

Dia cpt2 masuk and kita sama2 lari pegi toilet.. 

Rupanya air yg menitik tu, darah semata-mata. 

Banyakkkkk sgt!!!! Keep on dripping. 

Dah bilas kat paip pon still menitik.. 

Yang touchingnya, iman pon jalan terkedek2 pegi kt toilet and 

dari luar toilet tu dia tunjuk2 muka mummy dia. 

Muka dia macam muka concern sgt.. Muka dia macam tau2 je mummy dia tgh on something emergency…

So ada la dalam 10-15 minit settlekan darah yg menitik tu. 

Zhaf terus amik air sejuk (sebab takde ais) n towel dia suruh dap hidung 

bagi darah tu stop dripping. 

Memang la terasa sgt panic moment malam tadi, 

siap zhaf nk bawak pegi hospital tapi I refused.

Nak dekat pukul 2pagi, bila keadaan dh kembali tenang, he put us on sleep, selimutkan both of us and amik my fon from handbag and letak kat sebelah i. 

Dia cakap kalau ada apa2 call je dia..

Alhamdulillah pagi ni macam dh takde darah menitik. 

Mungkin panas kot semalam. 

Hopefully takde pape. 

xoxo

Worth the wait?

Been emotionally unstable lately..

I dunno why..

But I just feel uneasy, unhappy, etc..

As much I try to be but I know I'm just being hypocrite..

Im lying to myself..

The fact that the 'communication' has brighten up my life, 

I know it won't last..

Even though by receiving a simple reply would have made me smile

through out the entire life..

However, I started to giving up (of the happiness) when I don't think

I worth the wait for a reply..

Every single second, every single minute and hour, I keep on

checking to my email.. 

But none.. Nothing...

I know what type he is and what type he was..

How quick a response could be but when I got it 
only after a week or more than that, 
I started to realised how important I am.. 
not as important as I was..

I cannot voice it out cuz I know where do I stand.. 

Let everything come n happen as it is..
One thing for sure, I'm glad that he's back
after 4years of silence..
I couldn't ask for anything more..

Now, maybe I need to work on my own..

Never put any hope, any expection, reflect and just go on with life..

Cuz he has a better life to focus on..

And I'm just a place where he looked for whenever he feels bored...

xoxo

Bukan Mudah

Hampir lelah hampir jatuh diri ini...

Bila separuh semangat tiada di sisi...

Tak mengapa ku tempuhi dugaan...

Bukan mudah berjalan berseorangan...

Bunga-bunga

Belom makan pon dah rasa kenyang..... Macam mana ni? :)

Mengada2 nya aku ni..

#bestview

#perfectview

#feveretspot

Geram!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeee…. Annoyed nya dgn NGO yg satu ni… 

Ni dah kira dictator ni.. Berlagak giler…

Dah la nak buat rayuan, tapi nk paksa2 bank pulak suruh accept.. kau sape?!! Ayat2 dalam surat ni pulak mmg tak boleh blah!!! Berlagak sungguh.. Siap tulis sebab2 kenapa bank kene waive semua interest2 tu.. Hello… dah customer tak bayar, padan la muka dia… Ntah pape ntah.. POYO giler….!!!! Pastu bila kita tak nak tolong, pegi kecoh satu dunia, masuk tv, masuk berita semua… PUIIII.. haishhhh geram betul aku ni… Lagi geram sebab semua surat dorang ni pegi anta kat ofis G.. Memang la kitorg kene buat chrono mak nenek dia bagai… tak pasal2 kene buat keja2 rencam ni.. ko ingat aku takde keje lain ke selain kene mengadap rayuan ko yg tak bermoral ni???!!!!!

Aku siku jugak kang dorang ni…

Kenyangnyaaaaaa

Kenyangnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Ni kenyang sebab makan ke sebab view dari sini...  Okbai!   

#bestview

#feveretspot

Pegi tak Pegi

Rasa kejap je dah pukul 11.30am. Tula kusyuk sgt buat keje kan. 

Tau2 dh nak lunch hour….*productive betol*

Ok ni yg x best ni. Semua org sibuk nk pegi gym.. tapi tu x kisah la kan. Suka hati dorang la kan…

Masalahnya..........…… 

I nk kene pegi cari present Sheila ni since birthday dia just around the corner..

Adoiii… ingatkan nk pegi sunway putra mall cari present dia tapi takde transport la pulak.... huwarghh…

Kete takde.. ni yg patah kaki ni bila xde kete…

Nak amik uber la tapi nnt nk balik pulak leceh…

Tapi kalau x pegi, bila lagi nak pegi.. Mana sempat kan!!!!! *jerit kuat2 dalam hati*

Takpe takpe.. kita tawakal… heh…

Kalau ade jodoh, sampai la I kat sunway putra tu. Sekian…..

xoxo

Sakit

#throwback

Cerita masa kita pegi Pantai Bangsar utk baby’s appointment.

Masa ni dah 27 weeks.

Doc: How are you? Is everything ok?

Me: Urmm.. ok kot.. Cuma dah 2 minggu perot ni rasa keras sgt. Pastu rasa sakit sgt2 kat tulang pelvic. 
(sambil tunjuk bahagian yg sakit tu)

Doc: Rasa keras tu kejap2 ke on and off ke camne?

Me: Constantly. All the time.

(Muka doctor terus berubah)

Doc: Okay come kita check (sesi scanning pon bermula)

Sambil pegang2 perot kita doc pon bgtau... 

Doc: Okay u dah rasa contraction ni and this is consider very early. Perhaps this could be another premature baby.

Pastu doc pegang bahagian tepi and dia mmg rasa tulang pelvic tu dh bukak. Terus muka doctor berubah lagi sekali. Muka risau.

Me: Semua ok ke doctor?

Doc: I think whether u like or not, I will give u MC starting your 32^nd week. U kene bed rest. No walking, no driving and no lifting heavy stuff.

Me: *remain silent*

Lepas doctor cakap mcm tu, kita tak tau nk rasa apa. Sedih ada. Speechless pon ada. Iyela, baby baru 6 bulan lebih. Macam awal lagi. Risau pon ada.

Ya Allah, kau lindungilah aku dan bayi dalam kandunganku. 

Amin

1st day of work!

What a day…

1^st day of work tapi system haprakkk..

Org tgh semangat dtg ofis sekali tak boleh nk buat keje.. Ape citer?!

So melepak jela… hehe..

*sambil menghitung hari*