Bed resting

Hari ni hari ke-5 bed rest..

Boringnyaaaa.. serba tak kena..

Tak tau nak buat ape selain tgk tv... 

26 days to go.. 

Chaiyok! Chaiyok!

xoxo

Sometimes..

Sometimes there's greater comfort 

in the substance of silence 

than in the answer to a question

Kejadian semalam….

Mula2 I terbangun pukul 1.30pagi sbb nk buat susu iman, 

sekali boleh pulak dia malas nk pegang botol dia so terpaksalah pegangkan botol dia sambil dia minum susu sampai la dia tertido balik..

Tiba-tiba!!!! 

Tiba-tiba hidung ni macam berair.. nk kata selsema, tak…. 

Bilik dah la gelap, cahaya pon samar2 je datang dr balcony… 

Sekali tiba2 setitik demi setitik air turun dr hidung dgn lajunya. 

Cepat2 jerit panggil zhaf. Dia tak dgr sebab pintu tutup.. 

Nak call dia  tapi fon dalam handbag, lupa nk keluarkan… 

Bila dh jerit tapi zhaf still x dgr, terus sambil tadahkan tangan sbb tanak air terus menitik, bukak pintu bilik, jerit panggil zhaf.. 

Dia cpt2 masuk and kita sama2 lari pegi toilet.. 

Rupanya air yg menitik tu, darah semata-mata. 

Banyakkkkk sgt!!!! Keep on dripping. 

Dah bilas kat paip pon still menitik.. 

Yang touchingnya, iman pon jalan terkedek2 pegi kt toilet and 

dari luar toilet tu dia tunjuk2 muka mummy dia. 

Muka dia macam muka concern sgt.. Muka dia macam tau2 je mummy dia tgh on something emergency…

So ada la dalam 10-15 minit settlekan darah yg menitik tu. 

Zhaf terus amik air sejuk (sebab takde ais) n towel dia suruh dap hidung 

bagi darah tu stop dripping. 

Memang la terasa sgt panic moment malam tadi, 

siap zhaf nk bawak pegi hospital tapi I refused.

Nak dekat pukul 2pagi, bila keadaan dh kembali tenang, he put us on sleep, selimutkan both of us and amik my fon from handbag and letak kat sebelah i. 

Dia cakap kalau ada apa2 call je dia..

Alhamdulillah pagi ni macam dh takde darah menitik. 

Mungkin panas kot semalam. 

Hopefully takde pape. 

xoxo

Worth the wait?

Been emotionally unstable lately..

I dunno why..

But I just feel uneasy, unhappy, etc..

As much I try to be but I know I'm just being hypocrite..

Im lying to myself..

The fact that the 'communication' has brighten up my life, 

I know it won't last..

Even though by receiving a simple reply would have made me smile

through out the entire life..

However, I started to giving up (of the happiness) when I don't think

I worth the wait for a reply..

Every single second, every single minute and hour, I keep on

checking to my email.. 

But none.. Nothing...

I know what type he is and what type he was..

How quick a response could be but when I got it 
only after a week or more than that, 
I started to realised how important I am.. 
not as important as I was..

I cannot voice it out cuz I know where do I stand.. 

Let everything come n happen as it is..
One thing for sure, I'm glad that he's back
after 4years of silence..
I couldn't ask for anything more..

Now, maybe I need to work on my own..

Never put any hope, any expection, reflect and just go on with life..

Cuz he has a better life to focus on..

And I'm just a place where he looked for whenever he feels bored...

xoxo